


Back Off

by ChloeChen



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 17:35:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/814174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloeChen/pseuds/ChloeChen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek tried to talk Stiles to back off, for good. He didn't assume he would succeed. But he didn't presume it would end up like that either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back Off

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at titles...You may find that the title is not so accurate. So just read the story. Maybe you'll feel better. I hope. This is my first story about Sterek and also the first one on AO3. Hope I didn't do a very lousy job.  
> In this story, you may find Stiles a little bit too serious, not funny enough. But I couldn't help it. He was too funny for me to compose, and I feel he should be serious when things go serious with Derek.  
> The alpha pack is mentioned in the story. And I did my best to not mention too much, for I know too little about them. Too stubborn and coward to watch Derek get hurt by them.  
> One more thing, I'm not a natural English speaker, so there'd be tons of mistakes. Humor me please.

It’s a normal school night. Stiles was about to do his homework, which was postponed by hours after hours of non-relevant research on the internet. Sheriff was busy at the station. Scott dropped by. He said his mother forced him to come so that he could do something about his homework. It was a lie, obviously. They’d never got their homework done together. Everyone knew.

Stiles didn’t ask anything. Not yet. But Stiles knew something was going on. Scott was never good at acting, and his upset and stiff face betrayed him. Just before he began to ask what was wrong, Scott took a phone call, and seemed to be relieved. Then not after much interrogation, Scott gave in. He told Stiles the pack got an encounter with the alpha pack. And it was settled now. As to him, he was sent here to keep Stiles away.

Stiles was fuming. But there was nothing he could do. And Scott refused to say much. He just told Stiles Derek would be here tomorrow before he left Stiles.

 

"Stiles."

Stiles didn't turn around to the source of the hollow, dismal voice. He dropped his backpack on the floor, and staggered to his bed, flopping onto it. He didn't care the groan slipping in front of him. He was tired. He didn’t sleep well last night, of course.

"What!?" He looked up from his hands and caught Derek's eyes, fuming with anger.

"What do you want? I wasn't there when your ass was kicked by the alpha pack, you know. Scott did a great job." Stiles said, frustrated.

"I know." Derek nodded, and sighed, shoulders collapsing, "We need to talk."

Stiles' eyes brightened as he thought that Derek wanted to discuss about the next step. He felt uneasy about the look on Derek's face, however, he managed to beam, "Finally needs some vulnerable human's help, huh?"

"I need you to back off." Derek said, eyes fixed on the stained rug.

"What?" Stiles asked, completely caught off guard."What did you just say?"

"Back off, Stiles."Derek looked up at him and said, evidently furious, impatient but inexplicably stiff.

"I...Wait, why? What happened?" Stiles felt his voice stick in his throat.

"Nothing, we just don't need you. Any more." Derek said plainly. Finally, he said it. He refused to look at Stiles, feeling the words have already drained him.

There was no answer. No sassy jokes. No sarcastic complement. Nothing. Derek raised his eyes and finally saw Stiles look at him with widened eyes, hurt and unbelieving. Derek felt a twist in his stomach, his heart beginning to crumble.

"I know you always try to help us, and you did. It's just..." Derek didn't know what to say. He'd made himself clear, but he wanted to say something. Something to make Stiles get rid of that look. He cleaned his throat, trying to regain his mind.

"Just stay away from the woods. Go to school. Go to college. Just...enjoy your life." That seemed to be the best Derek could do.

"Enjoy my life, huh? Back off? Why didn't you tell me that the first time you snuck into my room? Why didn't you tell me that when you asked me to chop off your arm? Why didn't you..." Stiles tried his best to steady his voice, but he couldn't help shaking. This was too much. Even though he admitted that Derek didn't like him despite his little hope that maybe the alpha could feel one out of a hundred how he felt about him, he'd never expected this.

"Okay, I know you're tired of saving me. I'll be more careful. By the way, this is not just about you, Mister. Scott is my buddy. I can't leave him behind..."

"He agreed." Derek cut in," He won't bother you, either."

"What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean he won't bother me?" Stiles blurred, feeling weak. It's so unfair, so confusing.

"He promised me." Derek said.

"He promised you? Did you make him?" Stiles felt less weak, for anger swelled in his chest because of what he just heard. Derek didn't answer, which only made Stiles more exasperated. "How the heck could you do that?"

Derek took a deep breath. He knew it would not be easy to cut Stiles out, but he never thought it could be so hard. God knew how long he'd been trying to make this decision. It's the right thing to do. He reminded himself again. But still, he felt it impossible to hold up.

"Just tell me what happened, okay? What's this all about?"Stiles finally said, feeling all the strength gone with the words.

"It's me! It's about me, okay?"Derek said, looking up straight into Stiles' eyes. He wasn't angry. He wasn’t annoyed by Stiles’ persistent grilling. He just couldn't take any more of this. He never thought he would have said this. And he knew what would come afterwards. And even though he knew he regretted the minute he started it, he felt sort of relieved.

"What about you?"Stiles asked, previewing something unexpected coming.

Derek didn't answer right away. He looked down again. He was thinking. Thinking how it ended up like this. He should've been gone once he told Stiles to stay away. He'd keep an eye on Stiles, as always, and shoved him back the next time he caught him in the woods. Simple as it is. But now things went the opposite way. And he felt almost out of control. Felt he was going to tell Stiles. He should not. But he wanted him to know. To know he loved him. Loved and cared about him so much to ask him to back off despite himself.

"Hey."Stiles got back on earth from the initial frustration and shock. He stepped toward Derek, who was consumed by his own turmoil thoughts. Suddenly, Derek exhaled heavily, as if he gave in to some irresistible power. Stiles stopped a few steps away from him.

"It's about me, Stiles. You don't know what you are. To me. I shouldn't be telling you this. But I need you to know. I want..." Derek trailed off. After a few more deep breaths, he started again. "I did everything I could to prevent falling for you. But I failed." Finally, Derek gave up. He gave in to himself.

Stile tried hard to take in what Derek just said. But he felt so tired and dizzy. He couldn't think, so he just let out what was in his mind. "So what? You regret it?"

"I'm glad I failed, actually." Derek shrugged. Looking into Stiles' amber-brown eyes, he remembered what it felt like when the first time he couldn't stop thinking about them. He didn't know what he was doing. He was so desperate, but also light-hearted because of those eyes and his involuntary confession, though he didn’t know whether he could take to aftermath.

Then Derek was smiling to Stiles. But it didn't look right. The smile. Enchanting it was, but so defeated as well. Stiles didn't realize he stopped breathing.

"I don't regret it, Stiles. I love you." Derek said steadily. But somehow to Stiles, it sounded so hopeless. And it shouldn't be like this. Stiles imagined hundreds of times what it would be like when he said or heard these words from Derek, no matter how crazy he thought it was. But it was never like this.

"I love you, Stiles. But I can't ask you to love me back. I don't want to." Derek was still smiling, but it never reached up to his eyes.

"It's none of your business." Stiles said, almost choked by his hoarse voice. “Wait. What do you mean you don’t want to?” Stiles could not steer his brain any longer. Everything was so confusing. It didn’t make any sense.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. But everyone who loved me got hurt. Not, got killed. Because of me. I can’t do that to you, Stiles.” Derek looked down again, which did hurt Stiles not being able to see his dark-green eyes.

“I want you to be alive. I want you to be alright. To be safe. Even if that means I’d have to leave you, for good.” Derek paused. Still forcing himself downcast, he managed to step back while Stiles stumbled forward.

“Stiles, you should’ve had a normal life, but I plundered it from you. I’m so sorry. From now on, no werewolf business will bother you again. Don’t go into the woods. Even if you do, you won’t be able to find me, us, again.” Surely this was a lie. It’s too hard for Derek to leave Stiles, but easy for Derek to never let Stiles know he’d be around. Derek ironically felt lucky for Stiles being human. He would’ve laughed if his heart didn’t hurt so much. Derek inhaled sharply, as if what he just said had taken away everything in his lungs.

Stiles felt shattered as tears slid down his chin. He stared at Derek, waiting for him to scoot up, to hold him, to stroke the tears away. But nothing happened. No expression’s on Derek’s face. He just looked at Stiles, as if he cared about nothing. But somehow Stiles knew it wasn’t true. He knew Derek internally broke down when he said those words. He knew Derek swallowed his eye-drops while he almost sobbed. Somehow, Stiles just knew. Sometimes, hurt makes people know better about each other.

Time passed. And finally Derek was leaving. There was so much to say, but so little left to be said. Stiles couldn’t say anything. He was not even able to tell Derek he loved him too. From the beginning.

Stiles tasted salt in his mouth. His tears. He felt like he was drowned in an ocean. He’s sinking. Sinking into darkness. The darkness without Derek. “For good.” That’s what he heard.

“Click.” Stiles heard his window snapped open, the tiny sound like a sparkle in the darkness he’s trapped into. He saw Derek’s leather jacket flash out.

“No!” Stiles cried out. But it was too late. Derek had disappeared. Stiles' legs moved one step ahead of his mind. He rushed out of his window, not caring it’s the second floor, and that there was nothing ahead under his feet.

Stiles was falling, literally. It should not be long since it’s not so high. But seconds stretched. And Stiles was thinking. Thinking how terrifyingly long time could be without Derek in his life. He wished so much the crash to come. But there was no crash coming at all.

“You've got to be kidding me! Stiles, I know you’re stupid. But I didn’t realize you are a suicidal idiot!” Stiles heard Derek’s furious growl and felt his leather jacket on his skin. He looked up and saw Derek’s exasperation flickering in his eyes. Stiles almost smiled with relief. This was the Derek Stiles knew. The broken-hearted Derek back in his room must’ve been his illusion.

But this Derek fell in silence, grief and dread retrieving in his eyes that reminded Stiles that it was all real. And Derek was leaving again.

But this time, Stiles was in time.

“No, don’t leave me!” Derek felt Stiles’ grip on his forearm as he stood up. It’s hard enough to leave bruises. Derek felt his skin have already begun to recover, but he wished he could stop it.

Derek stayed his posture, showing his back to Stiles, refusing to look at him, but still, his arm in Stiles’ hand.

No, it shouldn’t be like this. It should’ve been over. He’d said everything, even more. He could make Stiles let go of him, not so hard as getting rid of a withered branch. But he just couldn’t. Derek felt betrayed by himself. Then it’s just too late to make a decision.

“I love you.” Stiles’ voice was not so loud as a whisper. Now it’s too late. Derek knew it’s all over. He was never going to leave. But he was still struggling. It’s not fair.

“Don’t.” Derek growled the words between his teeth and shut his eyes.

“I love you.” Stiles repeated, not seemed to hear him. His voice was no longer shaking, but more determined, persistent, just like the way he was that made Derek fell for him.

Derek didn’t move. He couldn’t move. The walls in his heart that he had been trying to build to ground Stiles outside were crumbling now. He felt his heart beating so slow that it seemed to stop at any moment. Derek felt so vulnerable. He felt his whole existence was like a sand castle washed up by a blow of sea tide. And this blow was Stiles’ words, his touch on his skin, and his breath in his neck.

Derek didn’t know when Stiles stood up and walked around to face him. But he was in Stiles’ arms. He couldn’t help but lean in, wrapping his arms around Stiles’ waist.

Derek hadn’t cried for ages. He even doubted whether he still had the faculty to. But now the scalding liquid was forming in his eyes. Derek let one drop steal out. And that’s all he could ever bare. Derek buried his face in the crook of Stiles’ neck, feeling the magma falling from his eyes burn along Stiles’ collarbone. Stiles shivered at the feel, which just made Derek want to hold him hard, hard enough to knead them into one.

How much better it would be if he could just make him and Stiles blend. Then as a part of him, Stiles would’ve known how devastating Derek’s love for him was. And he’d never be afraid of losing him. But he couldn’t. So it’s not fair.

Why would everything he cared about be rubbed of no matter what? And after he tried so hard to prevent it happening again, he just failed. Maybe not yet, but Derek knew it would happen, if he didn’t leave. But he couldn’t leave. Stiles, this annoying, talented, persistent boy, had become his heart despite himself. And one couldn’t leave one’s heart.

“It’s not fair.” Derek didn’t realize he spoke the words out.

“Yes, it is.” Stiles said. “I’m afraid of losing you too.”

Derek inhaled deep in Stiles’ neck, getting in the necessary air and Stiles’ scent. “It’s not the same.” He managed to say in the end.

“No, it’s not. But I didn’t feel better when you were in danger than you did when I was in the similar situation. And man, you always have more chance to win the lottery.” Stiles said, combing Derek’s hair with his fingers.

Things seemed to get a little more light-hearted, as it always did with Stiles. But Derek refused to be led further in. Derek regained enough power to sort himself out. He pulled back a bit, not releasing his hands on Stiles’ back, eventually looking up to meet Stiles’ waiting eyes.

“I know. But…” Derek wasn’t able to finish when Stiles landed a tentative and chaste kiss on his lips. “Take me to your loft. I don’t want to talk about it here.” Stiles said, leaning his forehead against Derek’s. And then he looked at him, waiting.

The feathery feeling of that kiss was like a bud coming out of Derek’s heart, the fluffy leaves brushing his rib cage. He looked at Stiles, heart aching for more of that touch, and something more. But he ignored his desire. Derek turned around walked to his Camaro, not realizing he’s holding Stiles’ hand all the way.

Once they entered the loft, Derek wanted so much to fall into his bed and sleep till the world disappeared. He was so tired, exhausted. Everything went the other way round. He didn’t know what it’d lead to. It’s not like it was going to work out, as if he had any idea how things would work out.

Stiles was incredibly silent on the way. Derek didn’t know what he was thinking. He could smell that Stiles wasn’t afraid or anxious or something abnormal. And it was the point for he could smell himself uneasy as hell.

Finally, Derek turned around. Stiles was a few feet away, then just a length of his fan of eyelashes. He leaned into Derek’s chest, planting a warm kiss on his lips. It’s not heated, just warm. It didn’t hint the ecstasy of hot sex in the wake. It was under a more heartfelt, profound connection. Derek let himself take the indulgence to have this moment, to have this feeling, to feel this connection, to admit it. Then he broke apart.

“We need to talk.” He said, knowing talking now would be more meaningless than an overdue receipt.

Stiles sighed. And he said, feeling frustrated again, “Okay, but we’ll never talk it out. You know that.”

“I know.” Derek nodded, defeated. He stepped to his bed, sat at the edge of it, and ran his fingers through his hair, “but what should I do then?”

“I know what you are afraid of.” Feeling a shallow sink beside him, Derek saw his hand held by Stiles. “You are afraid of losing me, like your family.” A wave of tremor swept through Derek’s body. Stiles noticed, but didn’t stop, “You are afraid that one day the alpha pack or another of your rivals after that would know you care about me, and make use of me against you. I’m afraid of those things too.” Derek tilted his head to look at Stiles, and knowingly met Stiles’ eyes.

“Bad things happen, Derek. We can only make the best of the things we have. But shutting someone you love out is never optional. It’s a thousand times worse than death.” Stiles looked down at their hands, knotting their fingers together. “I love you, Derek. Please don’t ask me to back off, again.” Derek hated to hear the pleading in Stile’s voice.

“I just don’t know what to do.” Derek said, and pulled Stiles into his arms, resting his chin on the top of Stiles’ head.

“Why don’t we just sleep for now and together we face whatever it is when we wake up? I am tired. And I know you are too.” Stiles closed his eyes, and listened to Derek’s steady heartbeat. His lame human sense made it hard for him to catch the throbs, but Stiles felt content about it now. The fuzzy sound relaxed him, and Derek’s imperceptible nod did even a better job.

“But…” Derek still struggled.

“But my butt, Mr. Sourwolf!” Stiles rumbled and pushed Derek down with both of their hands, “Lie down. Sleep. And be a good pillow.” Then he settled down beside Derek, resting his head on Derek’s shoulder.

Derek stared at Stiles, knowing he was just pretending to sleep, at least pretending until he gave in. And Derek felt willing to do so. He toed his shoes off, and helped Stiles do the same with his feet. He shuffled off his jacket and Stiles hoody too. He nudged Stiles on top of him, wriggling up so that they were wholly lying on his bed. Pulling the comforter upon them, Derek turned to lie on his side. Stiles nuzzled Derek’s collarbone, one hand attaching to Derek’s heart, the other one resting on Derek’s waist. Derek held him tighter just to be bathed in Stiles. Not feeling the urge to mingle them together any more, Derek felt they were already as one.

 

“Stiles.”

“Huh?”

“Your dad.”

“He wouldn’t know. Sheriff is busy at the station.”

“You didn’t plan on coming here to talk, did you?”

“Of course not. I heard you had a king-sized bed.”

“That’s what I thought.”

 

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! Hope you enjoyed it. If you didn't, thank you all the same for putting up with it.  
> And it'd be so great that you would leave me a comment if you feel like it.  
> ^______^


End file.
